"Stop InterRUPTing me!!!"

I grew up in a household of "Interrupters..." We all know who they are-it's a form of narcissism that is thinly veiled, at best. It means that we really don't have to be in the room-Interrupters can easily carry on a conversation with themselves...because they are too busy re-directing the conversation flow back towards themselves, that they have no need to listen to you.


It's much like what we all thought was "acting" back in high school-wait for your turn to say your line as beautifully and creatively and emotionally as possible. That ain't art, my friend...

Acting mimics real life. When it's artificial, we all know it-it's painfully obvious. Acting is all about true talking and listening, just like life is/should be.

If we are so caught up in the picture of ourselves that we can't even stop and see through our own fog to acknowledge the person there with us...well, what's the point?

"Seek First to Understand" another habit cheerfully brought to us by Stephen Covey...

Listening to words is only the beginning: behavior speaks/screams with much more volume and intent. The words can lie, but if you really LISTEN to the behavior, you'll learn volumes more.

It means training our eyes AND ears and hearts, really, to look for more than what's on the surface. It takes time, it takes the desire, it takes caring about your fellow man.

Stephen Covey uses sales as an example of a career that lives and dies by true listening. If you're worried about your sales more than your customer/client, you might make money, sure, but if you took the time and invested the energy in what THEY want, what THEIR needs are-not your mortgage or credit card payment-think of all of the needs you could uncover!

I worked for years in retail sales. Cosmetics. You think we didn't hear some life stories? But it gave us insight as to the kind of person we were dealing with, and if I was really tuned into them, NOT my commission, then even if I didn't sell them a million dollars that day, over the course of years I sure as hell did. I listen. I hear. I remember. Because down deep, as nuts as some of those women made me with their personal drama, I cared. I still do. I still hear from them. I still run into them. Sometimes I call them. If it wasn't sincere, my clients would have known. If they'd listened...

Listening is the building block for relationships. It shows that it's not all one-sided.

We are, all of us, creatures made up of years of memories and experiences. They all cluster together to form our particular source, if you will. Coach Veldran in high school totally, heartily, and with absolute vigor, disliked me. Why? I reminded him of his sister, and he hated his sister. (He's a miserable man, divorced and all alone, but I'm not the least bit bitter about the way he treated me in front of my best friends, whom he adored...his wife is the lucky one to have kicked his ass out, but I digress...)

If I'd looked like Farah, do you think he'd have spent so much energy on me being such a jerk? Well, I know therapy wouldn't have occurred to him...but I digress...

Do you think he really listened to his wife or son or students, he claimed he adored? Do you think he would have minded being beaten at poker during lunch by Farah???!!! But, I digress...

Listening is the source of knowledge. Without it we are all the Coach Veldran's of the world. Selfish little bastards...wait-is that another digression?...

Seriously-people are endlessly fascinating. If you take the time to listen, to learn what is different from you and your background, you'll be treating yourself to the gift of diversity. If we were all alike, wouldn't life be just the dullest thing going?... Slow down and take the time to listen on all levels. You'll be richer for it.