Cross Country vs. Music...

I admit it freely: I am not a football fan. Sorry. I know what you're thinking, but it's kind of like not tolerating brussel sprouts or beets, isn't it?

Anyway-I'm having the opportunity lately to see the sport of Cross Country in action, and I'm very impressed with the kids in the sport. My 12 year old is new at it, but has found something else he wants to do.( Yes, I groaned when he told me...)

Went to a meet this morning. Early this morning. They had to be there in a Saturday morning at 7:00. A RAINY Saturday at that. He got up and went and ran in the rain.

We got some god pictures of him during the race that really show the effort and concentration necessary to be able, not only to succeed in this sport, but even participate, for goodness sake!

It's a team sport-points are awarded for various places earned, and an overall team score gets you noticed. BUT-a team sport? Is it really? Yes, I'd say it is. These boys and girls are together every day, running together-they quite often train in partners-getting to know each other, rooting each other on, so, yes, I'd call it a team.

The training each individual must endure is what the difference is, I think. In football, the bursts of concentrated effort are short in comparison. They don't have to steel themselves to be able to run miles by themselves in any weather pretty much alone. It's all up to them and their preparation. The look on my son's face while running made it obvious that there is deep concentration happening inside that head...between those rather beautiful but slightly large ears...

So-I hear you asking "What the hell does this have to do with music?" Ah-I heard that...Well, I think that music takes quite the individual discipline to go off by yourself and train, learn your instrument, do the research, have the right equipment, the right coaches and mentors in order to have a whole musician to bring back to complete the ensemble...

Whether you're an instrumentalist or vocalist, soloist, or ensemble-type. The training must still happen in your process before you can really be on the team in a meaningful way. Now-we've all witnessed the harm of the Diva Energy; this is a persona who has no true desire to add to anyone else's ensemble at ALL...It's a more(!) narcissistic way of living in this world-drawing attention and sucking the life out of a room in order to re-direct it towards oneself...a pity...they don't know what they miss... It's not just the trees, it's the damned forest doncha know...

The enjoyment of participating in any ensemble-theatre, choir, orchestra, band,-is a joy unlike most others. It's about celebrating the successes of each other and our group efforts. We cannot be a group of individuals and have the same results as when we commit to the group on an emotional level, give up the notion of individual success and glory, and be a cog in the wheel, for without the cogs, that wheel is just not going to function, will it?

It's sacrifice. It's compromise.

It's not about winning.

It's about doing.

well, would you look at the time...
another rambler...gotta go and "run a few"...

AVA thoughts...

What a great way to use a vacation day...

Spent the entire day at the AVA workshop today-LOVED it. The energy, the common interest of everyone there, the information I was able to absorb, everything.

Sat in on Lori Hetzel's talk on the changes the female voice goes through from puberty to maturity. I thought back, and sure enough, in the 8th grade, I was having a harder time singing first soprano, figured it was me personally, instead of my body changing, was bored in the soprano section anyway, so I switched to Alto II...lived there ever since...I even remember having difficulty singing with enough breath in church, for instance, just singing hymns. Funny-it's the normal process. Very interesting to hear her speak. Got more things to look up-oh, BOY!! More reading! (I'm actually really happy about that...)

Andre Thomas was wonderful. Quite the entertainer/teacher. Very involving, very engaging. Never dull. I watched him work the room with such specific intent and purpose-really fine.

I thoroughly liked his way of "re-attaching" the "Singing Head" to the body.Too many singers think that if the sound comes out of their mouths, that's all that's involved. He used specific physical movement/images to connect and give deeper meaning/internalization of what he's after-it becomes more about how it FEELS, than how it sounds. Simple movements that automatically give your body a different message and changes the sound production. Cool! Like cues for your brain to remember what the voice can do naturally...until we start thinking too much... Great habits/tips to follow. The connection of mind and body is incredible: Your body can help more than you think-it's VERY smart. Let it loose...


His afternoon session about his book on how to approach the spiritual was fascinating-made me want to learn tons more about that painful segment of our nation's history. Can't separate the music of a people from the history that created it. Sure changes how you hear a piece. His personal history is quite rich as well, making his interest in preserving the history and culture of his heritage all the more meaningful.

He walked the whole group across the floor while singing "Keep Your Lamps (trimmed and burning)" as if we were shackled together, unable to do more than drag the attached foot. Very powerful. Eye-opening.

These kinds of days, spent just sucking up music makes me blissfully happy and equally full of regret that I'm doing this all so late. I could have lived there the whole time...

"Stop InterRUPTing me!!!"

I grew up in a household of "Interrupters..." We all know who they are-it's a form of narcissism that is thinly veiled, at best. It means that we really don't have to be in the room-Interrupters can easily carry on a conversation with themselves...because they are too busy re-directing the conversation flow back towards themselves, that they have no need to listen to you.


It's much like what we all thought was "acting" back in high school-wait for your turn to say your line as beautifully and creatively and emotionally as possible. That ain't art, my friend...

Acting mimics real life. When it's artificial, we all know it-it's painfully obvious. Acting is all about true talking and listening, just like life is/should be.

If we are so caught up in the picture of ourselves that we can't even stop and see through our own fog to acknowledge the person there with us...well, what's the point?

"Seek First to Understand" another habit cheerfully brought to us by Stephen Covey...

Listening to words is only the beginning: behavior speaks/screams with much more volume and intent. The words can lie, but if you really LISTEN to the behavior, you'll learn volumes more.

It means training our eyes AND ears and hearts, really, to look for more than what's on the surface. It takes time, it takes the desire, it takes caring about your fellow man.

Stephen Covey uses sales as an example of a career that lives and dies by true listening. If you're worried about your sales more than your customer/client, you might make money, sure, but if you took the time and invested the energy in what THEY want, what THEIR needs are-not your mortgage or credit card payment-think of all of the needs you could uncover!

I worked for years in retail sales. Cosmetics. You think we didn't hear some life stories? But it gave us insight as to the kind of person we were dealing with, and if I was really tuned into them, NOT my commission, then even if I didn't sell them a million dollars that day, over the course of years I sure as hell did. I listen. I hear. I remember. Because down deep, as nuts as some of those women made me with their personal drama, I cared. I still do. I still hear from them. I still run into them. Sometimes I call them. If it wasn't sincere, my clients would have known. If they'd listened...

Listening is the building block for relationships. It shows that it's not all one-sided.

We are, all of us, creatures made up of years of memories and experiences. They all cluster together to form our particular source, if you will. Coach Veldran in high school totally, heartily, and with absolute vigor, disliked me. Why? I reminded him of his sister, and he hated his sister. (He's a miserable man, divorced and all alone, but I'm not the least bit bitter about the way he treated me in front of my best friends, whom he adored...his wife is the lucky one to have kicked his ass out, but I digress...)

If I'd looked like Farah, do you think he'd have spent so much energy on me being such a jerk? Well, I know therapy wouldn't have occurred to him...but I digress...

Do you think he really listened to his wife or son or students, he claimed he adored? Do you think he would have minded being beaten at poker during lunch by Farah???!!! But, I digress...

Listening is the source of knowledge. Without it we are all the Coach Veldran's of the world. Selfish little bastards...wait-is that another digression?...

Seriously-people are endlessly fascinating. If you take the time to listen, to learn what is different from you and your background, you'll be treating yourself to the gift of diversity. If we were all alike, wouldn't life be just the dullest thing going?... Slow down and take the time to listen on all levels. You'll be richer for it.

Reading Porridge...

Thick. Chewy. "The 7 Habits" is all of that. I've read it many years ago, and it's still relevant-maybe even more so-than the first reading.

"Begin with the end in mind." What the hell does that mean?

It means find the purpose.
Act meaningfully.
Don't live your life acted upon.

Whose life is this, anyway?

Love the way Covey has broken down thought processes here-"2 Creations" for every creation.
It's so true: Every idea is a creation first. Visualized by an individual. Manifested and made tangible if all goes well. The whole "visualization" trend made it all seem trite, but if you are clear on what you're aiming for, that's that first step towards having it come to fruition.

When I first had thoughts of stepping back into the Big Bad world of academia, I thought it through, made a ridiculous schedule that no one in their right mind would have survived (although I would have done it, I tell you...the survival level is what is in question...), only to have my employer of 12 years say "No." As if I hadn't made her an awful lot of money and given her years of my life and more energy than she knew. I was astounded. Really shocked.

I'd never even considered the possibility of her refusing my offer to continue to earn money for her and her company, but to add something for myself into the mix. She'd said no.

I told my direct boss "You know I'll find a job that allows me to do this."

I emailed The Hot Tamale Man himself and said that I wasn't going to be able to sing with him after all, but that I would find a job that would allow me the opportunity.

"If anyone can do it, I believe you will." he said, or something like that.

Within six months I had a new and really much better job. Here's how it all played out:

After I took a little bit of time to lick my wounds, I sat up and was mad. Now, I don't recommend anger as a motivating force for change, but this time it sure worked in my favor. I was so angry that this company saw me as expendable, and a cog in the wheel, that there was no way they'd ever get to my heart again. I started actively looking for a job.

My husband told me about an opening. I applied. I got a first interview. I got a second. I looked at my husband, feeling a little brazen when the words came out of my mouth, a little less than humble and said "You know I'm going to get this job, don't you?..." I don't talk like that...

I'd gone into the interviews knowing that it was right. Not the least bit weirded out that it wasn't necessarily something I'd done before. I'm not an idiot-train me. Teach me something new. The Big Boss asked me "Why do you think you'd be good at this?"

"Because I want to be."

Got the job.
Won Salesperson of the Year in my rookie year.

I wanted to.

I'd envisioned where it was I wanted to go, and I made tracks.
Even if someone trying to stop me made me make up my mind, I've always said "There's nothing stronger than a made up mind."

I'd hit a wall. I knew I needed out. I set my sights and everything fell at my feet. All of the pieces fell together. The timing was uncanny, but I don't believe it was an accident, or a random thing. It was, I believe, because I was ready, I was clear, I was specific. I wanted to be somewhere that would allow me the freedom to do something for personal enrichment. The idea came first. Then I manifested that dream. Too cool.

Habits

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle

The opposite is also alarmingly true...I love this quote, because it embodies the whole "Create your own opportunities" thing in a different way. We can create anything we want: If what you want is excellence, learn everything you can about what your chosen field, and practice what you know will bring the desired results. Sounds simple, but then, people are people.

It goes back to being specific about what you REALLY want. Not just sort of want. I mean REAAAAAALLLLLLY want. With passion. With desire so strong it can outlast the momentary lapse of boredom, or temptation to go down another path.

If discovering what we want in life were so easy, everyone would live in ecstasy, I'm convinced. The mud gets stirred up by family, personal dysfunction, bills, and other temptations. Distractions to our heart's desire.

"What do you want?"

"If you could be anything...?"

Why is that so difficult a question? Because, to truly answer it, one must allow vulnerability to come into play. It's a risk, to show the soft underbelly of one's soul and desires...as if speaking those dreams aloud will somehow make them trite and unimportant. To open oneself to ridicule, as if no one else has the same dreams or secret desires...

I believe the opposite is true: That speaking the words aloud gives them power, gives them purpose, and can give one courage to say a few sentences more. To not be so afraid of revealing the truth. Isn't it a crime that most people don't want to hear the truth? Or at least nothing but their OWN truth.

Stephen R. Covey, in "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," is pretty clear about being open to experiences and the deep listening it takes to have awareness of what's around you: Listen deeply to yourself, first, then expand that awareness and sensitivity to encompass more and more. The knowledge is there for us to gobble. All you have to do is be still. And listen. Practice. Practice until it becomes your way. That's the rule of excellence. True excellence-it has to belong to you, and not be imposed. It's the "Personality Ethic:" versus the "Character Ethic" Covey talks about-one is superficial, one is deep, rings true, and is part of the soul. Un-separate-able. Forever. Bonded. Eternal.

Isn't it a shame that we are not born with this level of self-awareness? That the process of being here and learning is as universal as it is? Are we boring to the gods above, since we're totally predictable in our stages of growth?

Well...it's not about them anyway. It's about us as individuals, learning to become more full of life, more full of love, more full of unleashed potential so that we can live in a state of excellence and ecstasy. How fab would THAT be?... Gotta practice for it to become a habit.....okokok...

"Sit up STRAIGHT..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," would go through my mind, even then knowing my mother was right didn't make me want to sit up the way I knew looked and felt better. It came from my mother, after all...

What it makes me think of NOW, instead of following the rules, better posture for singing and diaphragmatic breathing, blah, blah, blah-even all of these are valid, is that you should want to sit up straight to take notice of what's around you. People will take notice of YOU the better you present yourself, and isn't that part of the performance deal? It IS about the performance as well as the final sound, isn't it?

In recently re-reading Stephen R. Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," I'm reminded of what an important work it really is: it's also about the fact that I'm hearing it in a totally different way than when I first opened the pages. I've lived a little, I've seen some things...you know, "things..."


Covey sets the tone of his work by introducing the principle of being "Proactive." Now-what is that to you, I ask myself? Ah, I answer wisely, it means taking no prisoners, not playing passive-aggressive games, being up-front and direct with those around you. Well, that's not wrong, per say, but certainly not complete, and probably not as clearly stated as Covey put it: "It means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives."

Ahhhhh-different, indeed. Simple is almost always better-no agenda, no outward aggressive attitudes, nothing concerning anyone else but the self. Me. You.

The state of being proactive means that you've begun the journey to higher knowledge. The path to self-awareness has begun, because you've set yourself apart from the complainers and moaners around the coffee pot at work, whining that their boss is a jerk, your children are running wild, and your husband is totally worthless. Instread of spinning your wheels and using precious energy complaining to others, the Pro-Active-Type (oh, let's be cute and call ourselves "PAT" from here on...), there is a bigger picture for PAT-the image that the time spent talking could be turned into the doing of life-no one will "do" your life for you, you know?

So much comes down to choice. I remember a time in high school-I was overbooked (as I continue to be), and stressed. My driver's ed teacher, Mr. Purna (he was so great...), told me that I had changed. That my parents should make me drop some of what I was doing. Having an adult, not a parent, make such an observation about and to me opened my eyes to how others saw me, and how I affected others around me.

When I was a senior, I knew I wasn't going to be able to go to the college of my choice. I was pretty profoundly depressed, for me, anyway. I remember sitting in a classroom, during our lunch break, knowing full well that the person sitting in that chair didn't resemble me. I made a conscious choice to bring myself out of that funk. I chose. I dealt with what I had been given. I instinctively knew that I was pretty much on my own. Big realization.

Pro activity allows one to work through anything with a positive outlook: to make that lemonade out of the lemons you were dealt. It seems to me, that taking responsibility for one's life and choices therein leaves all blame at the door-if you don't like your reality, change it. See your personal big picture and decide what you want, take aim and go. Take on a goal with energy and passion. If there isn't a passion attached, is it even worth it? Weigh your options, make your choice. We are here to make those choices. It's our reason for being, I think.

The times in my life when I've been absolutely clear about what I wanted, it all fell into place:
Moving to New York. Working to get out of debt. Buying our first house. Changing jobs in order to take classes. All very clear moments. My philosophy: If you remember it, then most likely it's a "Moment." Positive moments build on themselves and become the way you think-the way you live. It can and will become a habit. My path resets now.

The parts of me that I've allowed to go dormant and in some ways quite passive are going to get a wake-up call...

Stimulus=can't afford the heating bill during a winter in Providence, Rhode Island. Choice=get a second job and turn it off. Didn't kill me-made me proud I survived it, and gave me a new view of my capacity for work and ability to accomplish an important goal...

The freedom to chose.


But, you know, I'm rambling...I'm chosing to close...